im six kinds of drunk right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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