i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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