If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
