I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
