fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
