it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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