She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
