TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
