is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
