I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
