At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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