Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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