the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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