I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
