Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to calm my uterus...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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