I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
