I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
