apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
