my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
