Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
