I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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