omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
