Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
