Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
