Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
