It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
