M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize