Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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