Define "chronic" masturbator.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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