yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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