u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
