K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
