I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
