So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
