Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
