tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
