WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
