just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
