I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love how my cats smell like pot.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
