Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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