Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
