allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
