Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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