I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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