saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
