I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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