Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
