Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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