so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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