My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
