this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
