and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
