Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
