I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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