The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
