Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my liver is dry heaving
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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