Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
