I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
