Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
