So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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