go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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