Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
