Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
