Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?