If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.