Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize