Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
