if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
