Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
