i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
