i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
