Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
