Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
