I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
