Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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