you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
