i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
