All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't turn off my feet"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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