i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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