I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
