Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize