It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
